She won the Battle, but I won the War
by Contra Mundum
Summary: Post Endgame. Kathryn's reflections of the return home to the present, her thoughts on losing Chakotay to Seven and her sole attempt to move on. Before everything comes together in a whirlwind. JC - KJ's POV


**She won the Battle, but I won the War **

--

Voyager's home.

Simple as that.

When Admiral Janeway told me of Seven and Chakotay I thought I would lose it there and then. That could have been interesting.

As always I buried my feelings, it's what I did for seven years, what difference would it make to carry on? Well, the Admiral showed me how that affected me in the end. A cold, bitter woman who spent years devising a plan to return Voyager home so we didn't have to spend twenty-three years out in the Delta Quadrant.

Twenty-three years.

And during that time I lost Chakotay.

To Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct to Unimatrix 01.

Or as she is now, Annika Hansen.

I still lost him to her even though the Admiral got us home.

I always thought that when we got home it would be alright, that he would wait for me. I guess I was deluding myself, how could anyone wait that long for me? I spent many a night trying to bury how I felt about him, I knew that if anything had pushed us over the edge on Voyager that would have been the end of my finely drawn little line of protocol.

Dammit Chakotay, why didn't you just...

I had to marry them you know, about 7 months after we got home. That was painful; I had a smile plastered on my face the entire time, my mask for every occasion. I can fool everyone. Most times. Owen Paris on the other hand saw through it immediately. After the ceremony he caught me, just as I was about to leave. I couldn't stay, it would hurt Chakotay most likely to know I hadn't stayed for long but there are some things I just can't take. All Owen said to me was,

"Why did you do this Kathryn?"

He knew, the damn man KNEW! Probably Tom shooting his mouth off again...

"They asked me, they are my friends Owen how could I not?" Was my curt reply, he almost flinched there was an unknown iciness to my voice. It even sounded strange to my own ears. At that precise moment B'Elanna and Tom came over, baby Miral cradled in her father's arms. Owen's attention was diverted for a second or so, I took the initiative as I usually do and slipped away from them.

I think Tom knew I wanted to leave, I thank him for that little manoeuvre, it saved me from breaking down in front of everyone. Nobody noticed me leave, except Chakotay.

Shortly after that I took an assignment on a newly built Station, hosting the "Trinity Project" which is a project combining Starfleet technology with Borg to create defences and weapons against them. I noticed there were a few Voyagers, as we've been called, on the project. Two notables are Ensign Norman who is one of the project founders and main leaders, and Ensign Mulcahey who is working on the Ablative armour with six others to reverse engineer it. My remembrances of them are limited. The Trinity Project is actually funded by the Federation but those who work there are not subject to the Federation, they work alone. I went acting as an inspector of the project, it would get me away from Earth for a few months and I could do something useful with my time by helping.

It is a noble cause, and I was glad for a while to be working on something other than reports. Those who were from Voyager made me feel welcome, it almost felt like we were a family again, and I could forget for a while.

When I returned home, I wasn't expecting what I found on my doorstep.

Chakotay.

He looked at me, straight through me I thought at first. I stepped past him and unlocked my door, standard pass codes; after all I'm living at Starfleet HQ now. He walked in after me; I could feel his gaze burning into my back as I walked. How often I had felt that on Voyager...

I dropped my bag by the breakfast bar island thing, and turned to face him.

"Chakotay what do you want?" I asked.

"Why did you leave?" Was the blunt reply, Chakotay's eyes searched my face for a flicker of emotion, something that would give me away, he found nothing.

"Leave?" I said puzzled. "I was an acting inspector for Starfleet; I've been out to Trinity Station."

He looked at me coldly, realising he was getting nowhere. Inside at that moment I laughed a bitter cold laugh.

"You know what I mean Kathryn."

"What? The fact I left your wedding early?" He'd asked for it, so he was going to get it.

"Yes."

"Do you want the truth?"

"Yes."

I drew in a breath; this was not make or break. Just break.

"Because I couldn't stand to see you and Seven, I had no right feeling the way I did and so I left because I felt I would spoil it for you. You and Seven don't deserve that from me."

"So you married us and left."

I dipped my head in acknowledgement.

"You waited for me, although I knew you would move on and you deserve the happiness I couldn't give you. You are my friend Chakotay, Seven is like a daughter to me, when you asked me to marry you what could I say? 'No sorry, I'm still in love with Chakotay so forget it?'" I rambled out, as I do when I get nervous in these situations.

I've been waiting to hear that for years." Was the last thing I remember hearing, a hushed breathless whisper in my ear.

Suddenly I felt the island against my back and his lips pressing against mine demanding, forceful, my Maquis warrior. At that moment I forgot everything, my arms flew up around his neck pulling him towards me as I returned the kiss.

The memories of last night still are burning in my mind, the realisation that he's finally mine takes hold. As I look out over the grounds of Starfleet HQ I feel more at home than ever before.

Sorry Seven.

You won the Battle, but I won the War.

--

A/N: I might do a sequel from Seven's POV...whatcha think? Please review if you liked it! Danke!


End file.
